I’m a big believer in making my own mistakes.
I can have one hundred people screaming at me not to do something because they’ve experienced the shit that’s come with it before and I’ll still throw myself headlong into the situation if I think it’ll make me happy.
I often come out bleeding.
Though don’t get me wrong, I might have cuts and bruises and eyes red raw from crying but I’ll be smiling through cracked teeth and bloody gums. I’ll learn.
Maybe not the first time, maybe not the third time, but one day I’ll learn.
Apologies to my friends, my mum, my incredible sister who have all pleaded with me to go left, left, left and then watched as I’ve nodded and gone right. Sorry guys, I had to do things on my own.
However, there are certain people I want to thank: Bullies, bitches, boys etc.
Without you fuckwits I really never would have learned anything and I’d still be making the same mistakes I made before you all came along. Listen though, it’s not all bad, you gave me as much as you took from me and that’s made me me.
And I like the me you all created.
Thank you Brian, for answering my questions the very best you could, you made me want to learn about everything and anything so I didn’t feel quite as small.
Thanks Christian, I may have come away from you with some lasting scars but you gave me the gift of some amazing new music – I’m listening to a song you showed me right now.
Charles, you taught me that I wasn’t going to be able to like someone else if I couldn’t even like myself, I’m just sorry you got caught in the crossfire.
You might not have liked how I dressed, Lauren, but I have to thank you for giving me a switchblade of humour to tackle you with. It still wasn’t a fair fight, but you let me keep the knife.
Thank you to Charlie, despite the fact I was a charity case you still took me along for the ride and I got to find out that I liked alcohol and parties and boys.
Linda, you introduced me to my indomitable spirit and I do apologise that you were the first one to see that some fires are inextinguishable. Thanks for teaching me to fight for what I believed in.
Finally, Marjory, I think you taught me the most, in fact I’m still learning from the things you taught me you great big bitch. Although at first I was scared of you, fell back on you like a safety net, I’m so glad I let you go. Or, at least put you at arms length. I know the value of happiness now, taking the bad with the good and not letting anybody stop me from being the way I want to be.
I am stronger because of you.
There will be more, I’ve no doubt about that, more enemies, more bullies, more bitches, more boys (fingers crossed) and I’ll keep making my mistakes.
But the sun comes up every morning and it always rains when you don’t want it to because life isn’t fair like that. There isn’t much time left in the day and the clocks don’t stop for anyone. Make mistakes. Live. Love. Learn.
Just keep smiling.